The first…

“Tears are words that the heart can’t express”. Is that true?
The first human contact she experiences is the whack on the back when she comes out of the mother’s womb. And the result? Tears of course. Even as she wails her lungs out, mother reaches out to comfort the bundle of joy. And that, is the first time, she learns to take shelter in her mother’s loving arms. The arms that hold her and shuns the world away. She feels safe. She feels protected. She feels loved.
She grows up knowing that those arms will never fail her. The first time she walks into school is the longest separation she has had from her mother. She looks forward to the home time. She walks towards the exit searching for her mother and she does not fail as always. There she is, smiling across the crowd of other guardians. She fights tears of joy as she runs into her arms and knows this is where she belongs. The tears express all that there is to be told to mother. This is where home is. Then begins a life full of insecurities – the first homework, the first test, the first result, the first time she is bullied, the first time she is late, the first best friend and the first fight with her, the first gossip, the first…and before she knows it, she is a grown up lady. By now she has gone through all the firsts. She is beautiful. She is confident. She falls in love…for the first time…just when she thought she is done with all firsts.
The feeling is nothing like she has known so far. For every first, she has had her share of insecurities which at a lot of time has led to tears. Mother’s comforting arms have been a constant through all of that. So this is what she knows for all the firsts she has experienced. However, life is full of surprises. For the first time there is no fear in this new emotion called love. The first touch makes her feel the worth of her womanhood. Life seems like a rainbow – pretty, colorful, endless. Soon the first fight happens. She doesn’t mind the tears after a very long time. Even while she recovers, another happens. Soon she is crying more than ever and the rainbow begins to fade. No amount of sincerity helps solve the issues. She tries hard but it happens…the first break up. The tears overflow. The heart seems to have broken into a zillion pieces. She runs back into her mother’s arms for that never failing sense of comfort. She is surprised! It doesn’t help! The excruciating pain seems to become larger than life. She howls. She screams. She faints.
Life is back to square one. The routine has taken over all her senses. No more firsts. All the firsts are over and done with. She doesn’t look forward to experiencing anything new anymore. She doesn’t look for the familiar feeling of comfort. Life is a blur. She doesn’t look for a rainbow. When she looks back, tears stream down…they are apparently words that the heart can’t express.