The Fleeting Butterfly

It’s a lazy afternoon. I’m sitting on my big black bean bag in one corner of my massive bedroom. The room is as quiet as it can get. It’s raining since quite sometime. I can hear the pitter patter of raindrops in the background. There is no other sound apart from that. There are some books, a diary and a pen on the bed. On my right there are three phones lying next to each other – one white cordless phone and two cell phones. One of them should ring any moment. It’s time for his call to come and for me to catch up on the happenings of the whole day, something that I long for throughout the day. It’s as if all the laughter and happiness is stored for that one call. Even as I’m waiting for one of my phones to ring and to hear his voice, something strange is beginning to happen. Everything around me has started fading away. First the phones, then the bed, the books, the television, then the chest of drawers, cupboard, everything – one by one.
I found myself sitting under a huge tree, on lush green lawn. A nice smell is wafting in the air from somewhere. Took a deep breath trying to figure out what smell it is. Doesn’t it smell like a few dozens of flowers blooming somewhere? A ticklish feeling startled me suddenly. What was that? There is something quivering on my hand. I brought up my hand close to my face. Wow! What a pretty butterfly! It’s sitting still on my hand and resting safely, as if to have found his home after an endless search. I fell in love with it instantly. Couldn’t move my eyes off it for a few moments. A gush of soft breeze sent a chill across me. I looked up and what I saw next almost took my breath away. There were beautiful flowers everywhere I looked, of all hues and fragrances. It was a riot of colors – could not figure out which ones were prettier. My curiosity was taking over me by now and I decided to explore where I am. I tried getting up very slowly, trying not to disturb the butterfly. But just as I put one foot forward, it flew off.
My hand suddenly felt empty. The feeling of the soft touch had engulfed me in matter of minutes. I had to get it back. Just as I started wondering which way to go, I spotted it, sitting on a beautiful pink rose. I tip-toed my way towards it. I bent down slowly but the butterfly started flying again. By now all I wanted was to get it back. Not one to let it go out of my sight, I began following it, through beds of multi colored tulips. I was almost close to the butterfly by now. One more time I reached but this time it just disappeared. I stopped, looked around, but alas! It just could not be seen. My head drooped as I began walking again. The tulips made way to a beautiful stream with rocks all around it. A few white lilies were floating on the still water. My legs were aching by now. I decided to rest for a while and sat down by the stream.
Silence. That’s all there was. I could hear the trickle of the water flowing and a few birds chirping here and there. There was no other sound. All of a sudden something magical started happening. I could hear the sound of silence. It began speaking to my mind. I was a mere listener to the conversation that was going on inside me.
Why do we miss a loved one so much? Is it the heart or the mind that plays the trick? After all, it is the mind that creates an illusion but not the heart! The heart loves - it feels, it does what it wants to do. Osho said, “If you love, love so deeply, so totally, that the lover disappears. Then you are just energy moving.” Brings me back to my question…where does missing someone fit in then? Is it painful to miss someone or is it an extension of happiness? Can the energy bog one down, ever, or does it elevate? Or is it a mechanism that heightens the moment of happiness when your loved one seems to appear from nowhere? Look at the stream flowing in front of my eyes. Here is the water that quenches our thirst yet the river does not drink it! Trees do not eat the fruits it bears. The clouds don’t get wet in the rains! Is that what loving is then, without being dependant on the other to make you happy? Even while I was pondering, I felt something ticklish, familiar this time, on my shoulder. With a surge of relief and an air of confidence I looked at the beautiful creature and smiled. Though I missed it all the while that it went away, my heart felt the same…then and now. Which means the energy of love is actually enough to make one content. If we use the emotions while missing someone’s presence just as a mechanism to heighten the feeling of contentment, it just leads one towards complete bliss.
What was that sound? Isn’t that my phone ringing? Oops! The butterfly flew off! I almost got startled at the sound of the ring this time. Where is the stream? Where are the flowers? Where is the beautiful garden? Confused, I reached out for the phone. I was happy to hear his voice after such a long wait. Now I know why. I was missing him – thank God for that. I have no idea what happened or how I went to that garden but I definitely experienced something heavenly that I will never be able to explain. Was it a dream? I looked at my hand. I could still feel the butterfly, the fleeting butterfly.