It’s a lazy afternoon. I’m sitting on my big black bean bag in one corner of my massive bedroom. The room is as quiet as it can get. It’s raining since quite sometime. I can hear the pitter patter of raindrops in the background. There is no other sound apart from that. There are some books, a diary and a pen on the bed. On my right there are three phones lying next to each other – one white cordless phone and two cell phones. One of them should ring any moment. It’s time for his call to come and for me to catch up on the happenings of the whole day, something that I long for throughout the day. It’s as if all the laughter and happiness is stored for that one call. Even as I’m waiting for one of my phones to ring and to hear his voice, something strange is beginning to happen. Everything around me has started fading away. First the phones, then the bed, the books, the television, then the chest of drawers, cupboard, everything – one by one.
I found myself sitting under a huge tree, on lush green lawn. A nice smell is wafting in the air from somewhere. Took a deep breath trying to figure out what smell it is. Doesn’t it smell like a few dozens of flowers blooming somewhere? A ticklish feeling startled me suddenly. What was that? There is something quivering on my hand. I brought up my hand close to my face. Wow! What a pretty butterfly! It’s sitting still on my hand and resting safely, as if to have found his home after an endless search. I fell in love with it instantly. Couldn’t move my eyes off it for a few moments. A gush of soft breeze sent a chill across me. I looked up and what I saw next almost took my breath away. There were beautiful flowers everywhere I looked, of all hues and fragrances. It was a riot of colors – could not figure out which ones were prettier. My curiosity was taking over me by now and I decided to explore where I am. I tried getting up very slowly, trying not to disturb the butterfly. But just as I put one foot forward, it flew off.
My hand suddenly felt empty. The feeling of the soft touch had engulfed me in matter of minutes. I had to get it back. Just as I started wondering which way to go, I spotted it, sitting on a beautiful pink rose. I tip-toed my way towards it. I bent down slowly but the butterfly started flying again. By now all I wanted was to get it back. Not one to let it go out of my sight, I began following it, through beds of multi colored tulips. I was almost close to the butterfly by now. One more time I reached but this time it just disappeared. I stopped, looked around, but alas! It just could not be seen. My head drooped as I began walking again. The tulips made way to a beautiful stream with rocks all around it. A few white lilies were floating on the still water. My legs were aching by now. I decided to rest for a while and sat down by the stream.
Silence. That’s all there was. I could hear the trickle of the water flowing and a few birds chirping here and there. There was no other sound. All of a sudden something magical started happening. I could hear the sound of silence. It began speaking to my mind. I was a mere listener to the conversation that was going on inside me.
Why do we miss a loved one so much? Is it the heart or the mind that plays the trick? After all, it is the mind that creates an illusion but not the heart! The heart loves - it feels, it does what it wants to do. Osho said, “If you love, love so deeply, so totally, that the lover disappears. Then you are just energy moving.” Brings me back to my question…where does missing someone fit in then? Is it painful to miss someone or is it an extension of happiness? Can the energy bog one down, ever, or does it elevate? Or is it a mechanism that heightens the moment of happiness when your loved one seems to appear from nowhere? Look at the stream flowing in front of my eyes. Here is the water that quenches our thirst yet the river does not drink it! Trees do not eat the fruits it bears. The clouds don’t get wet in the rains! Is that what loving is then, without being dependant on the other to make you happy? Even while I was pondering, I felt something ticklish, familiar this time, on my shoulder. With a surge of relief and an air of confidence I looked at the beautiful creature and smiled. Though I missed it all the while that it went away, my heart felt the same…then and now. Which means the energy of love is actually enough to make one content. If we use the emotions while missing someone’s presence just as a mechanism to heighten the feeling of contentment, it just leads one towards complete bliss.
What was that sound? Isn’t that my phone ringing? Oops! The butterfly flew off! I almost got startled at the sound of the ring this time. Where is the stream? Where are the flowers? Where is the beautiful garden? Confused, I reached out for the phone. I was happy to hear his voice after such a long wait. Now I know why. I was missing him – thank God for that. I have no idea what happened or how I went to that garden but I definitely experienced something heavenly that I will never be able to explain. Was it a dream? I looked at my hand. I could still feel the butterfly, the fleeting butterfly.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Draupadi Kiski
Here’s a tale of Mahabharat
Set in the modern day,
Draupadi was the babe of the time
Aur aaj bhi hai.
There was a zamana when it was
Only Pandav n Kaurav,
Today she is being wooed by
Every living manav.
So deviyon aur sajjano
Now the time is here -
To check out the nominations
For Draupadi’s swayamvar.
While on one side she has dudes
Coming from history,
On the other goons are wooing her
Leaving behind robbery.
Film stars, mamus – you name it,
Who doesn’t want to have her?
Among such an array of choice
Will she find her lover?
So among all the madness
Lets see where this takes us,
Reliance Money, jai jai Money
Fast, funny, fabulous!
While the world is busy with
Apna apna masti -
We are only asking this –
Guys, Draupadi kiski!
This was the introduction that I had written for a play that we, Reliance Money put up in the annual HR Meet of our group Reliance Capital.
Set in the modern day,
Draupadi was the babe of the time
Aur aaj bhi hai.
There was a zamana when it was
Only Pandav n Kaurav,
Today she is being wooed by
Every living manav.
So deviyon aur sajjano
Now the time is here -
To check out the nominations
For Draupadi’s swayamvar.
While on one side she has dudes
Coming from history,
On the other goons are wooing her
Leaving behind robbery.
Film stars, mamus – you name it,
Who doesn’t want to have her?
Among such an array of choice
Will she find her lover?
So among all the madness
Lets see where this takes us,
Reliance Money, jai jai Money
Fast, funny, fabulous!
While the world is busy with
Apna apna masti -
We are only asking this –
Guys, Draupadi kiski!
This was the introduction that I had written for a play that we, Reliance Money put up in the annual HR Meet of our group Reliance Capital.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Tale of a Princess
Once upon a time there lived a Princess.
Was the epitome of laughter and happiness.
Butterflies and flowers and birds and the bees,
Rainbows and clouds and the rains and the breeze;
Everything danced at her beck and call,
'Twas as if her smile made the world enthrall.
One fine morning the sun was shining bright,
The Princes was looking oh so right.
A Prince rode into her majestic world,
And stole her heart with a magic wand.
Love can conquer the deadliest of sins -
There, what was a pure heart? It took a spin.
'Twas like being eaten up by fire and then reborn again,
She would never be quite the same again.
A huge rush of emotion had engulfed her,
Life had changed suddenly forever!
But so much happiness could the Evil bear to see?
Out came her fangs and soon the Princess was in misery.
Just how he had come into her life out of the blue,
The Prince disappeared. Where? She had no clue.
Tears slid down her cheeks, as she melted into the bedspread -
That touch of magic had just faded.
A decade passed by, the Princess kept hoping;
She'll be back in the arms of her Prince Charming.
She kept being haunted by her lost love,
A second chance would probably change everything.
Change it did, when it happened -
Prince Charming did return after a decade.
The rush of fierce emotion each time she looked into his face,
The way she responded to his kisses.
"Where did you disappear, my darling?", she asked.
He said, "I was always in your heart.
I have come back to tell you I'm sorry,
I miss you a lot but then that's another story.
A lot happened in this decade, I cannot lie,
I have come back coz I did not bid you goodbye."
With that Prince Charming went into oblivion,
While she stared unseeingly at the horizon.
Never in her life before had she felt so totally wretched!
There was no point in denying the story had ended.
She shivered one last time remembering the good old days,
It was time to look forward and get over the wretchedness.
She refused to cry another single tear for him,
Decided to let life fill her with new feelings.
The moon was full, the breeze felt cool,
She closed her eyes and felt the pull;
To live life again, in joy and peace of mind,
She opened her eyes to a bright new future;
All the pain and aches she has put behind.
A butterfly came and kissed her cheek,
"Welcome back!", it said so meek.
The Princess is once again happy and smiling,
Her heart is again fluttering and dancing;
The world she missed out on in the decade of waiting,
Is still shimmering and colourful and overwhelming.
Was the epitome of laughter and happiness.
Butterflies and flowers and birds and the bees,
Rainbows and clouds and the rains and the breeze;
Everything danced at her beck and call,
'Twas as if her smile made the world enthrall.
One fine morning the sun was shining bright,
The Princes was looking oh so right.
A Prince rode into her majestic world,
And stole her heart with a magic wand.
Love can conquer the deadliest of sins -
There, what was a pure heart? It took a spin.
'Twas like being eaten up by fire and then reborn again,
She would never be quite the same again.
A huge rush of emotion had engulfed her,
Life had changed suddenly forever!
But so much happiness could the Evil bear to see?
Out came her fangs and soon the Princess was in misery.
Just how he had come into her life out of the blue,
The Prince disappeared. Where? She had no clue.
Tears slid down her cheeks, as she melted into the bedspread -
That touch of magic had just faded.
A decade passed by, the Princess kept hoping;
She'll be back in the arms of her Prince Charming.
She kept being haunted by her lost love,
A second chance would probably change everything.
Change it did, when it happened -
Prince Charming did return after a decade.
The rush of fierce emotion each time she looked into his face,
The way she responded to his kisses.
"Where did you disappear, my darling?", she asked.
He said, "I was always in your heart.
I have come back to tell you I'm sorry,
I miss you a lot but then that's another story.
A lot happened in this decade, I cannot lie,
I have come back coz I did not bid you goodbye."
With that Prince Charming went into oblivion,
While she stared unseeingly at the horizon.
Never in her life before had she felt so totally wretched!
There was no point in denying the story had ended.
She shivered one last time remembering the good old days,
It was time to look forward and get over the wretchedness.
She refused to cry another single tear for him,
Decided to let life fill her with new feelings.
The moon was full, the breeze felt cool,
She closed her eyes and felt the pull;
To live life again, in joy and peace of mind,
She opened her eyes to a bright new future;
All the pain and aches she has put behind.
A butterfly came and kissed her cheek,
"Welcome back!", it said so meek.
The Princess is once again happy and smiling,
Her heart is again fluttering and dancing;
The world she missed out on in the decade of waiting,
Is still shimmering and colourful and overwhelming.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Spiritualism...my thoughts...
Just last month I gave in to my quest for the new-age spirituality.
Where science ends, spirituality begins...always been a believer of the saying. Since the last few years I've been doing a lot of reading about the same. But nothing seemed to satisfy me. Kept looking for something more but just could not pin-point what. So I finally decided to discover the meaning myself.
Aradhna, my school mate, also going through a similar phase, made that magic call. She asked me if I wanted to accompany her to Osho's. Without a moment of hesitation I said yes and the few weeks in between passed with tremendous amount of anticipation. Let me not forget the huge number of misconceptions that continued to intrigue me further to discover the Meditation Resort which kept beckoning me every second of the days.
Entering the Resort and settling was only part of it. I felt the first tingling sensation at the moment of my entry into the auditorium where people gather for the meditations. Nothing like the candle-scented rooms where a talk is in progress that I have witnessed before where once it's over you seek further fulfillment over a movie and popcorn. All I saw was a huge auditorium which was almost dark. All around me were people of various age groups. And even while I was trying to understand what should I do next, some beautiful music filled up the whole auditorium. Soon everybody were moving, no, shaking ... Without trying to think much, I too began doing the same. Surprisingly, soon I could feel the energies moving up from my feet. Some energy had taken over me and I was just going with the flow. The music changed after 15 minutes or so and we were dancing now. Not in any structured manner but the whole body was moving as it wanted. Another 15 minutes later the music went off. We began observing, witnessing whatever was happening inside and out. Suddenly there was an internal monologue and all I was doing was listening. Thoughts and feelings had taken me over. I remembered my sister's pet pup. I used to hate pets. Loathed them in fact. But did he love me less for that? I used to come home and he used to jump all over, barely able to contain the joy. Isn't that spirituality? Love selflessly without any expectation...that was him! Never asked any question about the fact that I used to hate him. So much so that the day he died I felt an amount of guilt which I've never experienced in my life. He was spiritual. He knew how to love.
Osho says, whatsoever you do, do it totally. When you do it totally you are not worried about the result. You did it totally. You are not holding anything; you have put all your energy in it. Now if you fail, you fail. If you succeed, you succeed. But whether you fail or succeed, you are fulfilled because you have done whatsoever you could do. Stake everything! It is only when you are totally into something that mysteries are revealed to you. Go into depth, to the very roots of everything - because the secrets are in the roots; not in the flowers.
I was beginning to understand what I did not for so long. True spirituality has to do with heightened sensuality or senses and doesn't isolate. It's the oneness of life that's important. Spirituality means being in touch with your inner self. The highest purity lies within me, not outside. The highest source of peace and security is within. Suddenly, the pup who was no more was giving me direction in life. I wanted to live life in totality. I wanted to let go ... of myself. I was suddenly more awakened, more fresh, more alive!
Where science ends, spirituality begins...always been a believer of the saying. Since the last few years I've been doing a lot of reading about the same. But nothing seemed to satisfy me. Kept looking for something more but just could not pin-point what. So I finally decided to discover the meaning myself.
Aradhna, my school mate, also going through a similar phase, made that magic call. She asked me if I wanted to accompany her to Osho's. Without a moment of hesitation I said yes and the few weeks in between passed with tremendous amount of anticipation. Let me not forget the huge number of misconceptions that continued to intrigue me further to discover the Meditation Resort which kept beckoning me every second of the days.
Entering the Resort and settling was only part of it. I felt the first tingling sensation at the moment of my entry into the auditorium where people gather for the meditations. Nothing like the candle-scented rooms where a talk is in progress that I have witnessed before where once it's over you seek further fulfillment over a movie and popcorn. All I saw was a huge auditorium which was almost dark. All around me were people of various age groups. And even while I was trying to understand what should I do next, some beautiful music filled up the whole auditorium. Soon everybody were moving, no, shaking ... Without trying to think much, I too began doing the same. Surprisingly, soon I could feel the energies moving up from my feet. Some energy had taken over me and I was just going with the flow. The music changed after 15 minutes or so and we were dancing now. Not in any structured manner but the whole body was moving as it wanted. Another 15 minutes later the music went off. We began observing, witnessing whatever was happening inside and out. Suddenly there was an internal monologue and all I was doing was listening. Thoughts and feelings had taken me over. I remembered my sister's pet pup. I used to hate pets. Loathed them in fact. But did he love me less for that? I used to come home and he used to jump all over, barely able to contain the joy. Isn't that spirituality? Love selflessly without any expectation...that was him! Never asked any question about the fact that I used to hate him. So much so that the day he died I felt an amount of guilt which I've never experienced in my life. He was spiritual. He knew how to love.
Osho says, whatsoever you do, do it totally. When you do it totally you are not worried about the result. You did it totally. You are not holding anything; you have put all your energy in it. Now if you fail, you fail. If you succeed, you succeed. But whether you fail or succeed, you are fulfilled because you have done whatsoever you could do. Stake everything! It is only when you are totally into something that mysteries are revealed to you. Go into depth, to the very roots of everything - because the secrets are in the roots; not in the flowers.
I was beginning to understand what I did not for so long. True spirituality has to do with heightened sensuality or senses and doesn't isolate. It's the oneness of life that's important. Spirituality means being in touch with your inner self. The highest purity lies within me, not outside. The highest source of peace and security is within. Suddenly, the pup who was no more was giving me direction in life. I wanted to live life in totality. I wanted to let go ... of myself. I was suddenly more awakened, more fresh, more alive!
Saturday, January 5, 2008
The unending pain
Does anyone know what it’s like to be in pain?
Is it some kind of unrest that happens inside?
Does it feel like someone sawing you into million pieces?
Is it like you are being crushed under a mountain?
Is it when you are alive yet you cannot breathe?
What is it?
What is it like?
I can sense a huge crater pulling me inside.
I can feel the lava
Burning me alive.
I can see the inevitable
Wanting to embrace me,
But I’m not ready to leave yet.
No, no,
Not just yet.
There’s so much light I want to see -
So many colors I want to live -
So many dreams I want to chase.
Will someone help me?
Will someone give me some strength?
I want to fight it all -
I feel the urge to.
But the vacuum is sucking me in!
The lava is catching up with me.
The more I want to live,
The more I get sucked in -
To the land of filth, pain and darkness.
The more I want to smile,
The more tears roll down.
Am I the only one who needs to go through so much pain?
Have I been destined to carry everyone’s pain on their behalf?
Can no one share it with me?
I want to break free from everything,
Yet I fear loneliness.
I don’t want to be lonely,
Yet I don’t want to be with anyone.
I want to be with someone
Yet no one is around.
I’m all alone
Yet there is a crowd around me.
I want to breathe
Yet there is no oxygen.
I want to be out in the open,
Yet I don’t want to step out of my cocoon.
I want to come out of the cocoon
Yet I am frightened of the world.
I want to leave it all,
Yet I want to live.
When I want happiness
I have to beg,
But when it comes to pain
I’m blessed with abundance.
All that I’m able to feel
Are hoards of pain!
Always catching up.
Not letting me out of sight
Lest I miss any of it!
Happiness is like an illusion
Peeps at me -
In case I get even a whiff of it
It absolutely disappears,
Lest I smile!
Tears are synonymous with my life
Pain is all I was born to feel
Hurt is all that I must go through
So that life rocks for you.
Is it some kind of unrest that happens inside?
Does it feel like someone sawing you into million pieces?
Is it like you are being crushed under a mountain?
Is it when you are alive yet you cannot breathe?
What is it?
What is it like?
I can sense a huge crater pulling me inside.
I can feel the lava
Burning me alive.
I can see the inevitable
Wanting to embrace me,
But I’m not ready to leave yet.
No, no,
Not just yet.
There’s so much light I want to see -
So many colors I want to live -
So many dreams I want to chase.
Will someone help me?
Will someone give me some strength?
I want to fight it all -
I feel the urge to.
But the vacuum is sucking me in!
The lava is catching up with me.
The more I want to live,
The more I get sucked in -
To the land of filth, pain and darkness.
The more I want to smile,
The more tears roll down.
Am I the only one who needs to go through so much pain?
Have I been destined to carry everyone’s pain on their behalf?
Can no one share it with me?
I want to break free from everything,
Yet I fear loneliness.
I don’t want to be lonely,
Yet I don’t want to be with anyone.
I want to be with someone
Yet no one is around.
I’m all alone
Yet there is a crowd around me.
I want to breathe
Yet there is no oxygen.
I want to be out in the open,
Yet I don’t want to step out of my cocoon.
I want to come out of the cocoon
Yet I am frightened of the world.
I want to leave it all,
Yet I want to live.
When I want happiness
I have to beg,
But when it comes to pain
I’m blessed with abundance.
All that I’m able to feel
Are hoards of pain!
Always catching up.
Not letting me out of sight
Lest I miss any of it!
Happiness is like an illusion
Peeps at me -
In case I get even a whiff of it
It absolutely disappears,
Lest I smile!
Tears are synonymous with my life
Pain is all I was born to feel
Hurt is all that I must go through
So that life rocks for you.
“It’s one of those days when everything goes wrong”
It’s one of those days when everything goes wrong.
I woke up late
I missed my train,
I hurt my foot
Got wet in the rain.
My phone conked off
The PC’s crashed down,
My boss scoffed at my face
Like an irritating clown.
The roof’s coming down
On my head it seems
“The only way out
Is THAT phone call” - I scream!
To my good fortune
He gives me a call
But didn’t I tell you
It’s one of those days when everything goes wrong?
He is not in himself
Coz his pen-drive is lost
He is in trouble
His hard work’s gone for a toss
His boss is on his head
Asking him to comply
To get his act together
It’s either do or die
He goes in for a meeting
Greets all with a smile
He reaches for his laptop
And heaves a heavy sigh
Will this day come to an end
Or is there more in store?
As the thought crossed his mind
There came a lot more
His wallet is missing
This had to be the last straw
The deal that’s been dealt
Is a tad too raw
So you see my friend
This ain’t exactly a love song
I told you remember
It’s one of those days when everything goes wrong!
I woke up late
I missed my train,
I hurt my foot
Got wet in the rain.
My phone conked off
The PC’s crashed down,
My boss scoffed at my face
Like an irritating clown.
The roof’s coming down
On my head it seems
“The only way out
Is THAT phone call” - I scream!
To my good fortune
He gives me a call
But didn’t I tell you
It’s one of those days when everything goes wrong?
He is not in himself
Coz his pen-drive is lost
He is in trouble
His hard work’s gone for a toss
His boss is on his head
Asking him to comply
To get his act together
It’s either do or die
He goes in for a meeting
Greets all with a smile
He reaches for his laptop
And heaves a heavy sigh
Will this day come to an end
Or is there more in store?
As the thought crossed his mind
There came a lot more
His wallet is missing
This had to be the last straw
The deal that’s been dealt
Is a tad too raw
So you see my friend
This ain’t exactly a love song
I told you remember
It’s one of those days when everything goes wrong!
Loving You Is Living Life
I wake up early morning
The sun is shining bright,
My room is shimmering
With a gleaming ray of light.
A cheerful day for all
Though I can’t say the same for me,
My sun is yet to rise
To enliven the day for me.
“Good morning baby” – a message comes,
Suddenly on my phone
Now I feel revitalized
My sun has finally shone.
The world is full of hustle bustle
Half the day has passed,
Sitting on the sea shore
I can see the distant mast.
Of the ship that started to sail away
Hours ago from here,
Now it’s in the middle of the sea
About to disappear.
A flock of birds are flying home
Chirping away too –
Just then a message comes
Asking me – “ Wat you do? “
I scream out to the flock of birds
“ Hey wait for me!
I want to fly away with you
To the land of possibility “
The possibility to be with
The only living soul,
Who makes a difference to my being
My existence on the whole.
The moon is up, the night is young
The sea breeze tranquil,
The day has finally come to an end
The world is turning still.
I however feel restless
Leaving me wondering why,
My phone right then receives a message
“ Darling, wish you good night! “
I suddenly feel peace
Calming down my life,
I love you is too small a phrase
When actually you are my life!
Loving you is living life
I say that again and again –
May we conquer all the peace
And say good-bye to all the pain.
Had written this for a special someone who I'll never be able to forget!
The sun is shining bright,
My room is shimmering
With a gleaming ray of light.
A cheerful day for all
Though I can’t say the same for me,
My sun is yet to rise
To enliven the day for me.
“Good morning baby” – a message comes,
Suddenly on my phone
Now I feel revitalized
My sun has finally shone.
The world is full of hustle bustle
Half the day has passed,
Sitting on the sea shore
I can see the distant mast.
Of the ship that started to sail away
Hours ago from here,
Now it’s in the middle of the sea
About to disappear.
A flock of birds are flying home
Chirping away too –
Just then a message comes
Asking me – “ Wat you do? “
I scream out to the flock of birds
“ Hey wait for me!
I want to fly away with you
To the land of possibility “
The possibility to be with
The only living soul,
Who makes a difference to my being
My existence on the whole.
The moon is up, the night is young
The sea breeze tranquil,
The day has finally come to an end
The world is turning still.
I however feel restless
Leaving me wondering why,
My phone right then receives a message
“ Darling, wish you good night! “
I suddenly feel peace
Calming down my life,
I love you is too small a phrase
When actually you are my life!
Loving you is living life
I say that again and again –
May we conquer all the peace
And say good-bye to all the pain.
Had written this for a special someone who I'll never be able to forget!
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