Blogging after ages!
Why didn't I for so long?
I don't know!
Why am I, now?
I don't know!
Funny how negativity settles down in our lives in such a way that negativity itself takes one over. Anything that is repeated many times over becomes the truth ... an old saying. I've heard this before and seriously wondered how can that be possible? But now, when I see my life, I feel as if the saying was meant for me.
A soft skill trainer by profession, my job is to motivate people. I do it so naturally! Trainees swear by me because of the way I manage to make every problem in their lives look so simple! In the training room, when I talk about all the positive things that exist, I see the amazement in people's eyes. I then question myself, who is the real me?
You know what, I don't know!
Always beleived in the saying,"Don't go the way life takes you. Take life the way you go." I know we were born to live and not living because we were born. But will I ever be able to implement this in reality?
I don't know!
Haven't gone to work today. Thought I'll spend some time with myself. Sat with a pen and paper and decided to challenge myself with all the questions on my mind. I did. I was surprised to find that I can't answer my own questions! Am I really so weak? Then who is this person who gets into me when I'm out there in the world motivating everyone possible?
Funny, but I don't know!
The irony is, I like to believe that I'm not a loser. I want to take control over myself. I want to live life as per my terms. The desire kills me. However, every time I want to look for an answer within myself, those three words creep up from somewhere. How I want to fight it! I want those three words to become invisible! I want to live life to the fullest. Will I ever be able to?
I don't know!
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
A contradictory forward
This morning I was feeling especially low. Nothing is going right in my life. No matter what I'm doing, everything is going wrong. But life has to go on! So despite all the miserable feelings I reach office and try to find solace in my cubicle. I sign-in to my mailbox and find an interesting forward which says, "How to stay happy". This is like God answering my prayers staright away. For a moment I felt as if all my bad feelings are about to disappear and I open the forward with high hopes.
Tip 1 : Try everything twice : I just did. Had one failed relationship. Moved on to the next with a lot of hope and it crashed.
Tip 2 : Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down : I do! I have loads of cheerful friends but one is cheerful only when all is well in one's life. And when all is well, the last thing that matters to you is someone else's life going for a toss. So cheerful friends really don't help. You are on yuor own when all goes wrong.
Tip 3 : Keep learning : That's what I've been doing! Learning the hard facts of life. Everytime I think I've learnt from my experience and this time I can't go wrong, it happens just the other way. Everything goes wrong.
Tip 4 : Enjoy the simple things in life : That's all I want! The simplest thing called love but it always deludes me. They say the more you give in love the more you get back. Absolutely! The more love I give, the more pain I get back.
Tip 5 : Laugh often, long and loud : Believe me I want to. Till life decided to mess things up for me I was one of the most cheerful people around. But now I'm scared to laugh. For every ounce of laughter I have to shed gallons of tears. So laughter is also ruled out.
Tip 6 : The tears happen - endure, grieve and move on : Again, that's exactly what I want to do. I cry, move on and just when I think my share of tears are over, it happens yet again. It's almost like I'm cursed.
Tip 7 : Surround yourself with what you love : Again, I told you I'm cursed. The things that I surround myself with give me happiness jsut till I get used to them. The moment I start revelling in that happiness, they become the very things that become the reason for my tears.
Tip 8 : Cherish your health : That's the only thing I can call my own I guess. But again, happiness makes you want to cherish your health. So when you are sad and depressed, the last thing that can bring a smile on your face is good health because you are sick of yourself!
Tip 9 : Don't take guilt trips : What other trip can you take? You go through it again and again; life tells you to lose faith in love; but does your heart listen? You still go ahead, fall in love and it happens yet again. The only thing you are left with is guilt.
Tip 10 : Forgive now those who made you cry : I do and have already done. But it hasn't helped. I still have millions of moments haunting me and killing me every moment.
So none of the tips worked. Naturally! I was a fool to still have hope that there can be some magic mail that can make me happy when everything has failed in life!
Tip 1 : Try everything twice : I just did. Had one failed relationship. Moved on to the next with a lot of hope and it crashed.
Tip 2 : Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down : I do! I have loads of cheerful friends but one is cheerful only when all is well in one's life. And when all is well, the last thing that matters to you is someone else's life going for a toss. So cheerful friends really don't help. You are on yuor own when all goes wrong.
Tip 3 : Keep learning : That's what I've been doing! Learning the hard facts of life. Everytime I think I've learnt from my experience and this time I can't go wrong, it happens just the other way. Everything goes wrong.
Tip 4 : Enjoy the simple things in life : That's all I want! The simplest thing called love but it always deludes me. They say the more you give in love the more you get back. Absolutely! The more love I give, the more pain I get back.
Tip 5 : Laugh often, long and loud : Believe me I want to. Till life decided to mess things up for me I was one of the most cheerful people around. But now I'm scared to laugh. For every ounce of laughter I have to shed gallons of tears. So laughter is also ruled out.
Tip 6 : The tears happen - endure, grieve and move on : Again, that's exactly what I want to do. I cry, move on and just when I think my share of tears are over, it happens yet again. It's almost like I'm cursed.
Tip 7 : Surround yourself with what you love : Again, I told you I'm cursed. The things that I surround myself with give me happiness jsut till I get used to them. The moment I start revelling in that happiness, they become the very things that become the reason for my tears.
Tip 8 : Cherish your health : That's the only thing I can call my own I guess. But again, happiness makes you want to cherish your health. So when you are sad and depressed, the last thing that can bring a smile on your face is good health because you are sick of yourself!
Tip 9 : Don't take guilt trips : What other trip can you take? You go through it again and again; life tells you to lose faith in love; but does your heart listen? You still go ahead, fall in love and it happens yet again. The only thing you are left with is guilt.
Tip 10 : Forgive now those who made you cry : I do and have already done. But it hasn't helped. I still have millions of moments haunting me and killing me every moment.
So none of the tips worked. Naturally! I was a fool to still have hope that there can be some magic mail that can make me happy when everything has failed in life!
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